WHAT VIDEOGAME ARE YOU PLAYING RIGHT NOW

Your mom. I'm playing your mom right now. Because she's a videogame.

Actually, I'm playing this one:



I'm surprised that the game ran very well on my PC, which is usually unable to handle games that came out in the last 12 months without turning into a jerky frameskipping mess. I also don't know why people are knocking Iron Man's graphics. It looked quite good if you bump the resolution to the maximum. It has a lot to do with the developers instead of the publishers of course, but SEGA games tend to run very well on mediocre hardware.

The game itself, though, sucked ass. The box claims open-ended gameplay which is a blatant lie. The game is so linear and limited that you won't even be able to use all of your suit's capabilities until the game decides to let you use it. I also had trouble changing the controls, and currently, I don't know if it is possible. I got bored with the game before I could find the option to do such a thing.

MY RIGHT EYE IS SLIGHTLY MORE ASIAN THAN YOU

I woke up two days ago with my right eye a little bit chinkier due to a swollen upper eyelid. I initially thought it was just the asian blood coursing through my veins, finally being awakened (after playing with a japanese-import PS2) and ready to make me a 120% more asian on the right side, which makes me a little bit cosmopolitan (cosmopolitan is a word that means you are attractive to men who kiss dudes).

Unfortunately, after the doctor said I had a cyst in my eyelid, which happened because of lack of sleep (again, I blame the jap-import PS2) that swelled my eyelids to the point where things that are supposed to come out weren't able to. They just stayed inside and dried up. The physician gave me an ointment to put in the eyelid 3 times a day, and also told me I needed to use HAWT COMPRESS. If the swelling doesn't go away in 7 days, he would have to operate on my eyelids and do some incision!

The operation is going to need some serious cash, though. So if you would be so kind as to donate some money for the cause. I'm afraid I don't have enough money for the operation, which costs as much as a brand new Nintendo DS (the slim one, fool). If you would be so kind as to plunk down a few bucks down to my paypal account, please do so. Every little bit goes a long way in helping Asia, and me in particular. (note that you can also send a Nintendo DS. I heard that has eye-curing capabilities).

P.S.

please visit the ad links once a day. The earnings will go to a special cause (my right eye).

HOW TO MAKE MONEY and ATTRACT WOMEN

I admit that the blog description on top of the page is a little misleading, since I don't really provide up to date news about technology. Just let that one slide,please. I needed a description for the blog directories I joined a while back, and that description read a little better than "just a personal blog about, uhm, stuff. it's random, really."

Although if pushed for an excuse, I could just point out that I specified Third World as the source of tech news. We don't have much news to report when it comes to technology since we don't really have that much technology. Look, Our latest technological advancement is soft and absorbent toilet paper. It was a huge improvement over banana leaves. When I wipe my arse, it makes me feel like I'm wiping the future!

This blog entry's title is also a bit misleading. I was just trying out some SEO stuff, and two of the most sought after search topics these days is how to make money and how to get poontang. I am sorry if you were tricked into reading this post. I don't want you to leave emptyhanded, so here's the thing: Making Money and Attracting Women is like a deep, and profound zen riddle that only intelligent and socially inept people understand. All I know is that they tend to answer each other - The easiest way to attract chicks is to make a lot of money. I am serious. Cash is like viagra for women. 

FYREBUG relaunch

I know that Kampy's Make You Own Game website was already launched a few months ago, but the sheer amount of gaydiation emanating from Rob Kapampausen ensured its doom from the world of search engine rankings. It even reached the point where a blog entry from my site beat Fyrebug itself in google search results for the keyword "Fyrebug".

Well, they sort of unlaunched the thing and made some tweaks in the code and made it more SEO-ed plus they also lessened Rob's gayness by 20% (he is now only 190% gay.) FYREBUG is ready for a relaunch!

They have added a bunch of nifty features such as new sample elements, new game templates and a large number of stuff about Rob Kamphausen's boyfriend, Hulk Hogan.

______________

IN OTHER NEWS: BIG ROBOTS WITH LASER SWORDS

The long awaited robot-themed Quake 3 mod named Gundam Universe is finally RELEASED! JOY! GLEE! HAPPY! Right now you are supposed to be a downloading hero and IT IS TIME TO DOWNLOAD (a very large installer file. Seriously, it's 460plus megabytes. Those goddamn robots better be big.)

ROMANIAN DUDE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY FOR BEER, ETC.

Several news sites are reporting that a Romanian man has filed a complaint with the local trading standards agency after he got drunk on a single can of beer.

35year old pussy Iancu Boroi stated that he bought the can of beer at a local supermarket in Arges and that he got so drunk after drinking it, which caused him to almost lose consciousness. The pussy further states that "It is ridiculous to think one can of beer can get me so drunk." The article finishes by stating that Boroi wanted compensation.

____________

Since when did somebody need compensation when a product he bought performed better than expected?

I've always believed that the whole point of drinking beer is is to get drunk, and finding one that does it efficiently means I finally found my brand.

Tommorrow I am going to file a complaint because Grand Theft Auto IV gave me such a good time after only playing for a half hour. It is ridiculous that one game can give me so much fun. (note to rockstar games: click my ad once a day, or skip the middleman and just send me a suitcase full of cash)

____________

GUNDAM UNIVERSE TO BE RELEASED IN A FEW HOURS

It seems that today will be the release of this much anticipated Quake III Total Conversion featuring lots of kickass robots beating the holy shit out of each other. It's been years, man. But finally, as soon as the project leader Sup finishes uploading the installer to Filefront, you'll be able to download it (or not, since Filefront's service requires you to jump through hoops and sacrifice a human baby for every download). You can check the official site for more updates.

People who have already lost their copies of Quake 3, or people who never had a copy of Quake 3 in the first place (re: uncool people), get on the nearest torrent site stat! Alternatively, you can download a copy of OpenArena, which uses the same engine and would work as well, theoretically. 

UPDATE: The release was delayed because the project lead had to deal with real life. The release is moved to Friday.

____________

TINTIN MAYO TO BECOME A BILLIONAIRE , SOON

I am now part owner of Windizzi, which is a search engine that aims to be as profitable and widely used as the big G.  As of this moment, Windizzi is offering tiny shares to early adopters for free. I took one because google denied my adsense application, and because I am a sucker for Get Rich Slow Schemes.

I guess I better start working out those muscles and studying science, so that I can start fighting crime as soon as my billionaire loot starts pouring in. (note to rockstar games: expedite the process by clicking my ads once a day. As protector of gotham, I promise I'll be lenient on your employees, who are all evil criminals according to Jack Thompson)

MISCELLANEA

CUBA ENTERS THE DIGITAL AGE

AP reports that Cuba has now legitimized the sale of computers to the public. This makes it infinitely easier for Mxy to commit 419 scams on the internet, now that he can send e-mail without relying on an abacus.

__________

VOLVO MAKES SUPERHEROICS POSSIBLE

According to Wired, Volvo is set to release an Injury-Proof Car by the year 2020, which means I finally get to realize my dreams of having my own indestructible superhero car in a dozen or so years. Can you imagine how awesome that would be? Crime itself would suck a lot of my genitalia. I would run criminals over and chase them down dark alleys, and I would be virtually invincible and free from harm, provided that I never get out of the car.

__________

PEOPLE STILL REFUSE TO SHUT UP ABOUT GTA IV

I can't seem to find any weblog or website that doesn't talk about Grand Theft Auto IV these days. It's amazing. Everybody's been saying how much it ruled and how much videogame ass it kicked but very few people have been able to state specific reasons why. I'm not saying Rockstar Games offered people money for glowing reviews or favorable comments whatsoever, since I've played the game myself and can honestly state that it really is the best game OF THE CENTURY (note to rockstar games: send money to my paypal. or at least click my ads once a day.)

__________

MisterJLA MENTIONED IN MY BLOG
(and other reasons why I am better than Rob Kamphausen)

First of all, I'm not gay. That makes me so much better than Rob Kamphausen already (because he's VERY gay). Second, MisterJLA is mentioned here because I treat him so much better than Rob does (Rob beats MisterJLA up and uses his money to buy liquor). Third, While we have the same height, I'm Asian - which means I am considered a giant when put in the proper context. Rob is practically a dwarf in his country, and not the kickass, axe-wielding dwarf you get to play in Golden Axe (that dwarf ruled!), but the kind of dwarf that is so useless people just petrify them for use as a lawn ornament.

Right now, the only thing that Rob has over me is the fact that he created Fyrebug. Screw that. Hitler invented the holocaust but that doesn't make him better than me, in fact, it's the other way around (trivia: hitler is better than me because chicks dig his moustache).

Now, which would you choose, a loving friend to misterJLA and owner of a cute pink weblog, or a lawn ornament who invented fyrebug?