How to get rich and Influence people

I just found out that a friend of ours is currently earning his bread and butter from google ads on his weblog. We're talking about rent, food, and utility bills on a third world country being paid by a crappy tech weblog on a blogspot domain. Holy shit, right? He was always lazing around the house not doing shit at all. We assumed he was selling drugs or something, but nothing this legit or good! Seriously, I want in on this. I have made it my life's purpose to get me in on some of that free internet weblog money.

I already have a blog anyway, so I've already got A done, and my next move would be to find out how I can get to B, which is "earn internet money", and from there it would be very easy to get to C - Hire Expensive Hookars from Los Angales.

The weblog tycoon friend I mentioned told me that in order for me to build my cyber cash empire (re:built upon the sweaty backs of the index fingers of internet surfers), I need to get people to visit my site first. And the way to do it is by using "search keywords".

search keywords?

Search Keywords, he said, are the words or phrases that internet surfers type on a search engine to find sites that they are looking for. As an example, a person looking for pictures of spiderman would type "Spidey" or "That superhero dude played by a faggy tobey mcguire". If your site contains these keywords like any good website should, it will be included in the list of sites that the search engine will display as a result and the positioning of whether it's going to show up first or at all will be decided by a complicated algorithm that consists of: your page ranking, the amount of daily visitors your site gets, how many external websites link to your place, and the dollar exhange rate (currently: 41 pesos. Seriously, The moment I decide to earn US dollars they suddenly drop in value. FUCK YOU, AMERICA. Who don't you go suck on my euro?!)

Getting back on topic, once you have a nice amount of visitors trawling your weblog for pictures of a fag dressed in a spiderman costume, you start tricking them into clicking the ads and making purchases, which is probably the hardest part. How do you get people to click on an ad? In fact, how do you get people to do anything in the first place? (besides offer them money, sexual favors or a free backrub?)

With a steady stream of people clicking on my ads, the cents I earn from those clicks will eventually add up and turn me into a millionaire who can afford impregnating lots of hot women as well as pay for their abortion expenses. The most important thing to consider, my friend said, is to start at the bottom of the equation: How your sites do in search engines (note that I signed up for some blogger directories, but they are done out of charity. Look at the graphic links, dude. Every click you give that ad results in a real orphan getting clicked in real life.)

My friend told me that the hottest weblog topics these days, besides how to get more money, are IT(Information Technology, fools!) stuff and humor. That means I can combine both to maximize my profits and get me closer to my dreams of sweet los angales hooker poontang faster than if I were to blog about technology or humor only. That being said, from here on out: All posts will contain jokes about IT stuff. Here's the first IT joke to get you in the mood for all the funny and technological advancement that's going to arrive in the next few weeks:


BILL GATES, WIFE and POLICE

Bill Gates was out driving with his wife when he is suddenly stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Bill Gates: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Bill. You were going 80."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Bill Gates: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Bill Gates: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Bill, you never wear your seat belt."

Bill Gates then turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

(important explanation: it's funny because BILL GATES = LOL. Linux FTW)

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Sources:

1. Blood, Rebecca. The Weblog Handbook: Practical Advice on Creating and Maintaining Your Blog - Basic Books; 1st edition, July 2, 2002
2. Wallace, James. Hard Drive: Bill Gates and the Making of the Microsoft Empire - Collins, May 12, 1993.
3. Marlock, Dennis. How to Become a Professional Con Artist - Paladin Press, September 2001
4. Toriyama, Akira. Dragonball (Volume 1) - VIZ Media LLC; 1 edition, October 6, 2000